“Nurturing Connections” is a series that provides a unique insight into friendships and the development of relationships. Each month, two perspectives on this topic will be brought to you from the Well Child interns. One perspective will be from our high school student intern, Ahva Olson, giving insight into the adolescent population. The other perspective is from our social work intern, Sheri Dushane, to provide a psychosocial approach to friendship and relationships. These perspectives aim to inspire and guide readers in building and maintaining solid relationships.
What is friendship? A simple Google search provides a very significant meaning. Friendship is “a state of mutual trust and support.” Notice the word mutual. It is immensely important to understand that friendships must go both ways. It's nearly impossible to maintain a relationship when you give 100% effort every day while they give nothing. Imagine you are making a cake; the only ingredient you put in is flour. That's not a cake. You need all the ingredients to make it exceptional.
This definition also mentions the word trust. In my view, the security of trust is one of the most amazing feelings in the world. The idea of dependability on someone can be so comforting. According to Psychology Today, trust is, “a key element of social relationships and a foundation for cooperation.” Without trust, there is no relationship. You must be able to be vulnerable with someone to have a healthy and positive friendship. Being able to talk to someone about your heartache and aspirations is a beautiful thing.
Lastly, Google's definition of friendship mentions support. You will notice you can’t support someone unless they trust you. Having a friend who listens and cares deeply for you will have a wonderful impact on your life. Betterhelp characterizes supportive friends as those who share affection, respect, and care for you. These three characteristics are significantly important and impactful. Sharing the same values with your friends is pivotal when you need someone to talk to. You never have to worry about them judging you because they support you. Respect can positively affect your life because it can help give you a sense of meaning. Being admired by someone like that can help boost your self-confidence.
How do you become this kind of friend with all of these ingredients? Going back to the cake analogy, no one has ever made THE perfect cake; maybe it's a little too moist or dry, or they added too much of one flavor. There are no perfect people, either. All you can do is try to be the best friend you can be.
Friendship phases are one way to describe the different types or levels of closeness and development in a friendship. It’s important to note that the progression through friendship type is not necessarily linear and moves at different paces based on the individuals. Also, some friends may remain on one level for your entire life.
Let’s dive deeper and look at friendship through a psychosocial lens. This lens considers social development and the interaction between psychological and social factors. Erik Erikson, one of my favorite early childhood theorists, believed friendships play a crucial role in developing identity and a sense of belonging.
Children under three typically don’t have the social skills it takes to have a best friend. They are developmentally too ego-centric…think of any two-year-old; it’s all about them! As young children practice turn-taking kindness and learn how to enter a group of children, they develop the skills to be friends. Remember that children benefit when they see adults model social skills like patiently waiting, being kind to people, and turn-taking.
Friendships during adolescence provide opportunities for comparison and identity experimentation. According to Erikson’s psychosocial development stages, adolescents experience increased complexity as they navigate identity versus role confusion.
Every teen is unique! What works for one individual may not work for another. Adults can help children build meaningful friendships by implementing these strategies.
References:
Degges-White, S. (2021, November 5). The 7 Types of Friends, and Which Is Most Essential for Our Happiness | Psychology Today. Www.psychologytoday.com. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/202111/the-7-types-friends-and-which-is-most-essential-our-happiness
Bharati, K. (2020, December 16). Erikson�s Theory of Psychosocial Development: Why is it Still Relevant Today. Medindia. https://www.medindia.net/patientinfo/eriksons-theory-of-psychosocial-development-why-is-it-still-relevant-today.htm
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